rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
