i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
