sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
