you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
