I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize