He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
