dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
