he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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