i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
