Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
