It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Do vagina's smell?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
