He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
