haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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