i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
