I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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