it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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