She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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