Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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