Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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