One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I touched a dick in church today
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
