My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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