I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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