I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
