Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
