Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
