Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
