Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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