Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
