Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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