She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
