what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
