my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
