My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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