Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
