i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
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