at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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