They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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