put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
