are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
