Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i think i have two assholes
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
being pregnant is like rehab
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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