margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
