i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
