Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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