my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
