I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
