So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
