Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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