You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
