The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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