why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
