New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
