The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize