Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
