Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
