is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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