I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
