i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
