it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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