3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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