Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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