awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize