Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
