She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
