so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
What a dumb baby whore.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
