Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize