I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
