I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
