When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
