Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
