He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
