That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
