i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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