If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize