Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
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