Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I feel like a drive thru vagina
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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