You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
