dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
