we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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