grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
