so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
