There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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