um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
