Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
