Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
