There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
