Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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