dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize