Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
