the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
