Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
