i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
