I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
