Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize