Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i would punch a child for taco bell
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
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