Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
