I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
