dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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